How to deal with bad moods

When you suffer from a chronic illness, you have to mind the stressful factors  in your life.  One of the most difficult to manage are the bad moods of those who surround us.  At least in my case, when my husband gets angry about something, he starts shouting and blaming, and I used to stress horribly about it.  When this situation was prolonged, I ended up having a lupus flare.  I had to learn to manage his temper changing my reaction so that this doesn’t happen to me anymore.  He is not going to change, the one who stresses is me.  I had to change.  This is my recommendation:

  1. Observe yourself, identify clearly who is the person that causes you stress and when he/she does what.  It can be your partner, your boss, a child, or someone else.  In my example, my husband when he shouts and gets angry and blames me because something didn’t go the way he wanted.  
  2. When this person is doing that which stresses you, observe exactly what his/her behaviour causes in you.  If it causes you fear, anxiety, guilt, and when in your body do you feel it.  In my example, it caused fear and guilt.  I feel fear in the chest, like an opression, and guilt like something heavy in the stomach.
  3. Here comes the complicated part.  Ask ypurself why you feel it.  Is there any experience in your past or negative belief that gets activated when this happens?  When you find it, be conscious of it.  In my example, what I was afraid of was not being loved, and I felt guilt becuase I believed that I didn’t do things the right way, that I wasn’t good enough.
  4. To dissolve it you can use many options.  The easiest is Hoponopono.  You repeat in your mind this phrase being conscious of the problem: I’m sorry (to my self for having this belief). Forgive me (to myself for having suffered so long because of this belief). I love you (to myself, because eventhough I have lived through this, believe this, or feel this I am worthy of love). Thank you (Gratitude is the highest vibrational frequency).  “I’m sorry, forgive me, I love you, thank you”. Repeat this phrase as many times as necessary. While you do this, observe how the sensation starts to dissapear from your body and your mind.  Do this every time the stressful situation happens until you can’t feel the negative emotion anymore.